Who readeth
Aeneas carrying old Anchises on his back, that wisheth not
it were his
fortune to perform so excellent an act? --Sidney
CHARACTERS
AENEAS Trojan prince, destined to found Rome. A strapping warrior
in the full flower
of
his manhood.
ANCHISES Venerable
father of Aeneas.
In his youth he was seduced by Venus, Aeneas's
mother. At the time of the
play he is aged and wise, though slightly deaf, and
known for his sage counsels
and longwinded reminiscences.
SETTING
Troy on the night following
the admittance of the Trojan Horse through the gates
of the city. During the scene flames from burning buildings roar in the
background and, as the Greeks sack the city, periodic shouts can be heard, as
well as wailing, weeping and the occasional terrified squeals of animals.
SCENE
BLACK. Then gradually the flicker of flames, as from a fire in the
near distance, is seen upstage. As the flames flicker,
shouts and wails can be heard from offstage, faintly at first but gradually
increasing in volume. These sounds of tribulation resume and subside throughout
the scene.
LIGHT rises to reveal
the gated entrance to a house upstage right. Pause. Then from this entryway,
AENEAS, stripped to the waist, but with a lion skin tossed around his neck,
appears, carrying his father ANCHISES on his shoulders.
Anchises is draped in robes and carries the holy vessels and
household gods. These can be whatever you like, but there should be enough of
them for it to be awkward but not impossible for Anchises
to carry them all in his arms. One of them also needs to be breakable.
Though Anchises is old and frail, Aeneas staggers under his
weight, fatigued from recent battle.
ANCHISES
I'm
sorry you have to carry me. But my knees just haven't been the same since that
fight with Calchas.
AENEAS
(Coughing from the smoke
and exertion)
It's all right, Father.
(Aeneas
pauses for a moment, assessing the situation, then sets off to his right stage
left. Anchises interrupts him after he’s taken only a
few steps.)
ANCHISES
Where
are you going?
(Aeneas stops, resigned, as though he expected this.)
AENEAS
To the East Gate.
ANCHISES
Don’t
be ridiculous! We’ll be captured for sure! You need to head for the North Gate!
AENEAS
We’re
not going to the North Gate. The Greeks have already taken the North Gate. We’d
be walking right into them.
ANCHISES
I’m
telling you, the North Gate is where we need to go! I prayed to the gods last
night, and that was their answer.
AENEAS
And
I’m telling you, I was at the North Gate last night, and I saw a
dozen of our soldiers fall before the ax of Ajax! There is no way we’re getting through
the North Gate! The East Gate is our only chance. Besides, I told Creusa that
if we were separated, she should meet us at the East Gate.
ANCHISES
I
can’t believe it’s come to this, that men dispute with their elders. It’s not
surprising that Troy
fell, with its values so corrupted already. And I, who once rode at the head of
armies, am reduced to riding on my son’s back like a sack of grain.
AENEAS
(Aeneas is too tired to
respond to the insult.) Speaking of which, Dad, I'm going to have to put you down
for a moment. (He crouches down on one
knee so Anchises can slip off his back.)
ANCHISES
No,
you can't! I need to stay up here!
AENEAS
Why?!
ANCHISES
It's
something your mother told me. She said it was very important that you carry me
out of the city.
AENEAS
I
think you put way too much stock in what she says.
ANCHISES
'Too
much stock'! She's Venus, the Goddess of Love!
AENEAS
Well
I don't care if she's Juno, Goddess of Domestic Terror. You need to get off me
for a minute!
ANCHISES
(Sulkily) Fine.
(He clambers off the back of Aeneas, who
stands and stretches painfully.)
AENEAS
That's
better.
(Attempting
to ameliorate his father’s mood, Aeneas asks his opinion, knowing that he loves
to offer it.)
AENEAS
So
Dad, what do you think went wrong? (He
gestures around at the burning city.)
ANCHISES
(Anchises
warms to the topic instantly.) What went wrong? You mean besides the fact that
we invited a Horseful of Greek soldiers into the
gates ourselves? (Anchises
minces around the stage, imitating a courtier.) ‘Oh yes, undoubtedly you'll
begin pillaging our temples and raping our women and burning our homes any
moment now, but wasn't it thoughtful of you to bring us this big
beautiful wooden horse?’ (Suddenly Anchises spasms and grabs his knee.) Ow! My knee! (The
holy vessels and household gods tumble out of his hands. Aeneas manages to
catch the breakable one as Anchises drops to the
stage.)
(Aeneas rolls his eyes as Anchises
rolls around on the ground.)
AENEAS
I
don't remember you saying that you thought bringing the Horse into the City was
a bad idea.
ANCHISES
(Anchises
sits up, apparently recovered from his injury.) No one asked me! But
that's not all that went wrong. (Anchises warms to his subject like a commentator dissecting
a football game.) It was a failure of leadership. Priam's
a nice guy and all, but he just doesn't have the forceful personality, the
manliness, of an Agamemnon or a Ulysses. Now if it had been me, I would have
pressured the Lycians to open a second front right
from the start, maybe attacked the Greeks from the sea.
(Anchises gathers the holy vessels and household gods up in
front of him and arranges them into two battle lines. He continues to
manipulate them during the following dialogue.)
ANCHISES
At
the same time I'd have placed the Amazons, let's say, in the mountains, to try
and draw a portion of the enemy's fighting force up there. Divide and conquer,
that's the ticket!
(Aeneas
examines Anchises battle plan. The he walks away,
cracking his knuckles, and paces around a bit.)
AENEAS
That's
an interesting theory, but I don't think you're taking into account the role
that the individual warrior played in this conflict. The Greek soldiers will be
written in legend. What about an Ajax
or a Diomedes? What about, yes, an Agamemnon or a
Ulysses—but I'm not talking about their leadership abilities now, I'm
talking about their fighting abilities. What about Achilles?
ANCHISES
Hector
could have taken Achilles.
(Aeneas
stops in his tracks, astonished at this latest bit of nonsense. He turns back
toward Anchises.)
AENEAS
Hector
could have taken Achilles? Are you out of your mind? Achilles did take
Hector, remember? And smashed him to smithereens! It was the most humiliating
moment in Trojan history!
(Unruffled, Anchises continues to
play with the gods and holy vessels.)
ANCHISES
As
I was saying: Hector could have taken Achilles, if circumstances had
been a little different on that last day. Achilles had an unfair advantage
because of the way he was grieving the death of his friend Patroclus.
Nobody could have taken him that day. But the next day might have been a
different story.
(Drawn by
the absurdity of this claim, Aeneas settles on the ground beside his father.)
AENEAS
That's
a fascinating theory, Dad, very scientific. But aren't you sort of missing the
point? Aren't you, as you orators like to say, committing some sort of logical
fallacy? Because Hector and Achilles did fight on the day that they
fought and…well…that's that. You might as well say the whole war could have
been avoided if Paris
had chosen among the three goddesses on a different day. Maybe on another day
Juno would have looked most beautiful! I mean, who knows—maybe the next day
Venus would have been on the rag!
ANCHISES
Shhh! For God's sake, shut your mouth!
AENEAS
Why
should I?
ANCHISES
(Whispering, after looking around
frantically) Your mother!
AENEAS
(Chuckling) You think Venus might
be listening in on us?
ANCHISES
It's
happened before!
AENEAS
Oh
yeah? Well if she's hanging around and eavesdropping (He jumps to his feet, raises his voice and directs the following at
the sky) why doesn't she show herself? Why doesn't she come out and give us
a hand! I mean, hey! Hasn't she noticed? We're losing a war here! And my wife
and son are God knows where!
ANCHISES
Take
it easy! I'm sure we'll find them at the East Gate, just like you said. And try
not to insult your mother. That stuff makes her crazy.
AENEAS
I
don’t care what makes her crazy! We could use a little help here! What good
does it do to be related to the gods if they don’t help you when you need them!
I mean, if this is what happens to people who have a god on their side, then
there might as well not be any gods!
(Aeneas
paces around with increasing speed, following this train of thought to its
conclusion for the first time in his life and counting out his points on his
fingers.)
AENEAS
(Continuing) And if that's
the case, then Man is a free agent, roaming around the universe without a
contract, at will to do whatever he pleases! Anything goes! No more giving away
the best meat as a sacrifice!
(Aeneas
looks at the household god in his hand for a moment, then smashes it to the
floor, where it shatters. Pause while Anchises and
Aeneas stare down at the shards.)
ANCHISES
You
broke the household god!
AENEAS
Yeah.
In retrospect I’m thinking that wasn’t such a good idea. Which one was that?
ANCHISES
That
was Doctorius, the one in charge of good health.
AENEAS
Huh.
(He looks around, as though remembering
for the first time that they are essentially on a battlefield.) I’m
thinking maybe we shouldn’t stick around here much longer, unless we want the
Greeks to seriously endanger our health.
ANCHISES
Yeah,
they could really mess with our immune systems!
(Aeneas and Anchises both chuckle
nervously.)
ANCHISES
We’d
better get a move on. But listen, Son, I know you’re exhausted. I can walk.
AENEAS
Don’t
be silly, Dad. Of course you can’t walk. (Aeneas
realizes that this is tactless.) I mean, I know
you can walk, but you shouldn’t. You’re old and
venerable, and I’m going to carry you.
ANCHISES
Absolutely not. (He rises
painfully to his feet, and begins awkwardly gathering the remaining household
gods and holy vessels.)
AENEAS
If
Mom, said I should carry you, then I’m going to carry you!
(Aeneas bends down on one knee, and looks intently at Anchises.
After a
moment, Anchises walks over and climbs aboard. Aeneas
rises slowly to both feet.)
ANCHISES
To the East Gate then?
AENEAS
The
East Gate it is.
(Aeneas
continues making his way slowly across the stage in the direction he started at
the opening of the scene.)
ANCHISES
(Confidingly) You know, your mom says
you’re going to sail to Africa and found an
empire!
AENEAS
Really?
ANCHISES
I
swear on the household gods!
(Aeneas considers this for a moment.)
AENEAS
Where’s
Africa?
BLACK.
END.